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Original article: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/_idim7JBTTgc4YUGUpduhg
Translation
When DeepSeek Becomes an Israeli Company
Original Shen Wenlong Sheyuan Honghu
January 31, 2025 00:00
By: Sheyuan Honghu
On January 27, 2025, because DeepSeek became the most downloaded application in the Apple App Store for many consecutive days, it caused market concerns about the dominance of the US technology industry. The stock price of NVIDIA, a new technology company, plummeted by 17%, and the market value evaporated by 589 billion US dollars in a single day. The US technology stocks were in mourning, and the elites of Wall Street were almost crazy looking at their bloody accounts.
The Ultimate Secret of Capital Predators
In the early morning of January 29, Jacob Rothschild, the fourth generation Lord of the Rothschild family, was lying on a comfortable recliner in Waddesdon Manor, happily flipping through an acquisition contract, with an irrepressible joy on his lips. His subordinates just reported to him the latest progress. St James’s Place, which he manages, has completed the full acquisition of DeepSeek, and the $150 billion it spent is less than 30% of the profit it made from shorting US technology stocks.
This joy has lasted for several days. At the dinner yesterday, he revealed the ultimate secret to George Osborne, the former British Chancellor of the Exchequer, who came to congratulate him: the money from shorting US technology stocks was converted into cryptocurrency through 12 offshore companies, and then washed into “clean capital” through the confessional of a Swiss church. “Do you know why Israel was chosen?” Lord Jacob shook a bottle of Screaming Eagle red wine from 1945. “Just like the indulgences in the Middle Ages, Jewish identity is the digital indulgence of the 21st century.”
At this moment, Ilan Cohen, the former cyber warfare commander of Mossad and the new CEO of DeepSeek, was wearing black sunglasses and pointing a laser pen at the other side of the Pacific Ocean on the top floor of the original headquarters building in Xixi Wetland, Hangzhou, sneering: “Now, the rules of the game should be broken by those who make the game.”
Washington’s Carnival
Three months later, when TikTok was put on the stake on Capitol Hill in the United States, DeepSeek, which changed its Jewish vest, was receiving the red carpet treatment of the White House. Cohen received a congratulatory message from the White House as early as the day after he took office: “Congratulations to the American technology ecosystem for welcoming a new partner!” – Although three months later, 78% of DeepSeek’s code is still typed out by Chinese programmers on the upper floor of a milk tea shop in Yuhang District, Hangzhou.
The Pentagon celebrated and demonstrated their peace of mind with actions: while banning the purchase of Chinese drones, they issued a 3 billion military purchase order to DeepSeek, which had changed its color, even though its core algorithm was exposed to have been tested in Zhangjiang, Shanghai. Lloyd Austin, the former celebrity host and current Secretary of Defense, made an artistic defense when facing the questioning: “Just like Einstein was born in Germany but belongs to all mankind, the crystallization of Jewish wisdom naturally transcends national boundaries. In addition, did you know that there is a copy of the Talmud in the basement of DeepSeek’s new headquarters in Tel Aviv? The safety of Jewish wisdom is as holy as the blood of Jesus!”
Changed “color”
Deep Seek, which changed its color, was obviously reborn. At 2 o’clock in the morning in Tel Aviv, the alarm of DeepSeek’s new headquarters building at 188 Rothschild Street suddenly sounded. The newly recruited Israeli programmers jumped up excitedly and opened champagne – this was the “inspiration activation device” triggered by their own hacking into the company system. In this country where everyone has served in the military intelligence department, even AI companies have Mossad genes.
New employees must first crack the encrypted USB drive: the USB drive containing Cohen’s childhood photos was buried somewhere in the Beersheba Desert, and the GPS coordinates can only be obtained by decompiling the cafeteria menu. The company’s security director is the former commander of the 8200th unit. The code review system he developed will suddenly pop up “What is your girlfriend’s birthday?” – three wrong answers will directly trigger the hard disk self-destruction program.
In Silicon Valley, programmers use stand-up meetings to discuss progress; at DeepSeek, the conference room table is always missing a leg – this is a deliberately designed “unstable excitation mode”. When the algorithm was stuck, the product manager suddenly unplugged the server power: “Didn’t our ancestors write the Bible when they wandered in the desert for forty years?”
The “colorful” DeepSeek has attracted countless investors on Wall Street, but what makes these investors most frustrated is the “reverse roadshow”: Cohen will suddenly ask the investor to solve a quadratic equation on the spot, under the pretext of “verifying whether the capitalists’ intelligence is worthy of our AI.” After a Wall Street tycoon figured out the answer, the contract terms automatically added a 5% equity bonus – later it was discovered that the company’s confidential code was printed on the back of the draft paper he used.
Jewish Wisdom and AI Dialectics
While OpenAI was discussing ethical standards, Israeli engineers at DeepSeek were using the Talmud to deconstruct algorithms: they asked two AI models to play the role of rabbis in a debate, and the loser had to write a praise code for the winner. The “Ten Commandments of AI” are hung in the company corridor, and the last one is “Do not compare AI to Jehovah.”
While TikTok CEO was interrogated on Capitol Hill, DeepSeek’s new CEO was teaching Trump to play the “AI Prophecy Game” at Mar-a-Lago. Afterwards, the president tweeted: “Jewish geniuses are helping us stop the robot rebellion!” – In fact, DeepSeek just added a backdoor command of “I❤️USA” to the chatbot.
When TikTok was finally forced to sell, DeepSeek received a thank-you letter from the White House: “Thank you for your AI system accurately predicting the stock market fluctuations caused by this acquisition.” People suddenly discovered that the Rothschild family’s funds for shorting Silicon Valley were flowing back to acquire American technology assets through DeepSeek’s algorithm.
Today, Silicon Valley bosses have collectively suffered from “Tel Aviv anxiety”: Musk tweeted at three in the morning “We need Jewish innovation.” Zuckerberg secretly sent employees a “Tanakh Intensive Reading Guide.” And DeepSeek’s Israeli programmers are busy using AI to retranslate the Bible – it is said that in the new version, Moses used their company’s fluid mechanics algorithm to divide the Red Sea.
When the Gaza conflict escalated, DeepSeek’s stock price soared 17% – they launched a “battlefield version of AI assistant” that can simultaneously calculate rocket trajectories and distribute takeout orders. The photo of employees wearing gas masks and typing code was named the best commercial photography of the year by The Economist. The caption reads: “In Israel, even the Red Sea crisis was a catalyst for round X financing.” But most people don’t know that this is the best interpretation of the human AI community of destiny. The main code of this version was completed by programmers from DeepSeek’s Chinese branch, especially the takeaway order distribution module, which is better than the Chinese in the world.
Hangzhou programmers who will never be slaves
DeepSeek’s Chinese branch is lit up stubbornly in the late night of Hangzhou Xixi Wetland Software Park. The reviewers of the US Department of Commerce were horrified to find that this group of programmers who refused to immigrate invented the “quantum office”: writing military AI for the Israeli headquarters during the day, and cutting into the parallel universe at night to continue developing domestic large models.
The CIA once tried to monitor, but programmers used the “Art of War” to counter the routine – they deliberately buried the “Tao Te Ching” garbled code in the code. When FBI agents worked late to decipher it, the screen suddenly popped up a dynamic screensaver of “The Tao that can be said is not the real Tao” with a Taobao link to buy Wuyishan Dahongpao.
When the New York Times questioned the possibility of DeepSeek’s Hangzhou team leaking data, Senator Cruz performed a wonderful AI magic trick just developed by the DeepSeek team on Fox News: he stuffed the company’s equity structure chart into the “Bible” and then pulled it out, and all the Chinese characters on it turned into Hebrew. “Look! Divine capital transformation!”
Even more magical is the reaction of Silicon Valley: Musk cursed the “Chinese AI threat” while secretly sending engineers to Hangzhou to learn the “quantum office” model. Zuckerberg was photographed studying the Dead Sea Scrolls in a synagogue, and his notebook scribbled: “How to reorganize Meta into a virtual Israeli company?”
At this moment, on a programmer’s window-side workbench at the DeepSeek branch in Xixi, Hangzhou, two monitors are running simultaneously: on the left is a drone system optimized for the Israel Defense Forces, and on the right is a large domestic open source model that will be released soon. There are three pots of succulents on the windowsill, with signs of “USA”, “ISRAEL” and “CHINA” hanging on them – this is their cyber meditation against cognitive split.
Next to him, Liang Huaxing, another veteran programmer who had just stayed up all night and joined the team when the company was founded, stretched after submitting the last set of code. GitHub records show that he has just updated the project description: “This AI system follows the common guidance of the Torah, Tao Te Ching and Starbucks employee manual.”
PS: this is a brilliant Chinese spoof! Never say the Chinese don’t have a sense of humor!
###
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I contribute to 
So the Chinese sold out? IF so, the the whole Chinese civilizational project has proven to be a chimera. Mao, Laozi and
Confucius would be turning in their graves.
Let’s hope that Qwen doesn’t but even then, it’s a product of huge corporation Ali baba, right?
Everywhere you look, Mara, the Evil One, is in charge. Buddha Shakyamuni, help us!
This is a brilliant Chinese spoof! Never say the Chinese don’t have a sense of humor!